i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
