It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
