so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I touched a dick in church today
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
