Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
