I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
