I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
