I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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