My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
