Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
