I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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