these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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