i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
