she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
