My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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