I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
