Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
