beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
