Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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