Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
