Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
