My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
