i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
