i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
