Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
