Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
