bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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