hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
