i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
