dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
