I'm laying in your front yard are you home
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
