My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
