did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
