Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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