Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
