people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
