I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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