Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
