She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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