do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
