I'm so fucking centered right now
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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