I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
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