Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
