Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
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