I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
