Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
