He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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