i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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