Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
this boner is exhausting
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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