its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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