all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
