i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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