dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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